Because of you I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk.

Correct me
please.
But is this what it's about?

Is it something everyone goes through
are these the obstacles that form something good?

Space, space, space.

Space between us
that's growing everyday.

It must have been just yesterday that you were the one making a fool of yourself.

I don't like that it's one sided, now.

It's like I can feel it happening.

I can feel this happening.

I don't want to, but I know it's coming.

 It's time to prepare myself
for just another heartbreak.

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live. Take, take, take it all but you never give. Should've known you were trouble from the first kiss--had your eyes wide open, why were they open? I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash.

 I have a relationship phobia.

I've watched lately all these couples
who should have been happy together
who appeared happy together,
they were the couple that you thought
"They're perfect for eachother!
They're gonna last like Walker and Ileah".
And then even Walker and Ileah broke up.

It honestly scares the crap out of me,
relationships.
Watching people say "I love you"
one week
and the next "I hate her/his guts".
I repel the idea of being like one of those puppy-dog love couples
the ones that have sex the first month they meet
and break up a month later.

How am I supposed to know whether my relationship isn't like theirs?
I feel like I won't know when to say "I love you"
and if I am so lucky for a man to say it to me
will I believe him?

Love is casual word now-a-days
that really holds no meaning in high school other then
"Hey, I really like you right NOW.
But give it a month or two.
I'll take it back."

Perhaps that is why I'm convincing myself
to back out of this new possibility.
I've been waiting for him
for this chance
since our river.
But what if I screw this up?
It's easier to hold on to this wonderful dream of being with him
then take the chance that it won't work out.
I'm absolutely terrified of letting him down.
Of letting us down.

I'm absolutely terrified of the possibility
that we weren't meant for eachother.
I could only get one shot with him
and I don't want to waste it.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for him.

Remember when...

It was when I saw how close you walked to her
how your hands were twined together
like ours used to be.
It was when I heard you laugh at something she said
how you playfully bumped in to her
like you used to bump in to me.

I saw that smile that stretched oh so wide
and the way you looked at her when you told her good-bye
right outside my bus.
I wasn't supposed to see that.
   
I never thought I would have to see that.

It's a shock
more than anything.
It's an ice shower that caught me off guard
it was a drop of altitude that left me breathless.

I'm over our past
I've known for awhile that it was no one's fault
that it was best.
We weren't right for eachother.

But the blow of seeing you with someone else
knowing that I was just a phase
a forgotten girl that is clearly replaced
how could I be okay?

It's a funny thing
that those moments you share with a person
those most vulnerable and blissful moments you have with someone
can be easily shoved up on a high up shelf
out of mind.
I wonder if you even remember us.

I'd like to think I was somewhat special to you.
I'd like to think that the time we spent
was not all a waste
that you thought we were special.
Just a little bit.

When I saw you with her
it was like we had never existed.

We broke up.
Completely.

                                                               "I remember when
                                                             It was together ‘til the end
                                                               Now I’m alone again
                                                               Where do I begin?
                                                                I cried a little bit
                                                              You died a little bit
                                                         Please say there’s no regrets
                                                         And say you won’t forget"

Hey, I'm just looking for a good time...

Maybe I should get me what you got
So I can ignore the fact that you came first
and he could be just a phase.

Maybe I should invest all my time into one person
and then shorten my texts to you
and shorten the amount of time I have for you
when I have him to be in my life.  

Who needs you
when I have him? 

Pretty please, I know it's a drag; Wipe your eyes and put up your head. I wish you could be happy instead; there's nothing else I can do but love you the best that I can...

Step up here folks
and see this precarious little lady
with an abundance of fresh mistakes
hot off the press.

You see that?
How she moves with no reverence
with little desire to be reputable?
Yes sir
that's where she falters
and lets it slip
that there's little confidence.

She can flounce down that hallway
with a barrier of her own acceptance
but what is she really saying
between twitches?

What she trasmits
within her own little bubble of an identity
is the missing space that should be permeated
and the good ol' fashioned soda fountain scenario.
She wonders
and ponders
and dwells
on what this little idea must feel like,
but she acts timorous
when the sign of activity is on the brink of eventuating.

Shh!
Don't spook her
move more cautiously, folks
at the first sign of danger
she'll turn her head and hide.

Trust me
it has happened before.

Surviving a Best Friend Break-Up

 " #5: You didn't realize you were breaking up.
This type of break-up occurs when you don't even know your friendship is falling apart — until you do. For example, Yager says, maybe you always remember your friend's birthday, and you go on Facebook one day to see, much to your horror, that it occurred a couple days ago and you forgot. But, sometimes a wake-up call is all it takes. “If you can get a friendship that's starting to wane back on your radar screen, you can save it,” she says. The bottom line: Don't be afraid, or too proud, to actively save the relationship. “Friendships need to be forgiving and flexible,” Levine says. “If the friendship is important to you, or if you are the one who did something, or didn't do something, there's no problem with being the first person to apologize or offer the olive branch. It's important to do it sooner than later.” Hauper says many women assume that female friendships should be easy, but as with any relationship, “Sometimes we do have to work at them … and that's okay."

-Womans Day article "Surviving a Best Friend Break-Up"

Will we be friends when we grow old, Is this the end of the line? I hurt with you, I love with you, the world just seems to get in our way. Oh please don't leave me; Don't let your heart let go, we'll find a way. The journey has only begun, this can't be the end of the line...

Even though your color is pink
you're like every other guy in my life
those crushes and almost boyfriends
that try as I might
somehow never make it.

But,
we were supposed to make it.

Remember those rocking chair jokes we made
that we'd grow old together
and reminisce of our past regrets
and the idiotic things we did together.
I envisioned you by my side on my wedding day,
crying together as you and her helped me in to my wedding dress,
us three
my 2 maids of honor
side-by-side-by-side.

But,
this has fallen apart already,
not by an act of betrayal
or a she-said scenario
but because you stopped trying.

We've resorted to not so much as a simple "Happy Birthday",
and suddenly,
everyone else but your "bestie" is more important to see
on the one day I'd expect you to want to be with me.

I guess I should learn to not expect anything from you anymore.

I know you're not a callous person
and you probably don't even mean to stay out of touch
but,
that's the problem.
You don't think about it.
Think about me.
It makes me wonder how close we really ever were
when you could care less about how long we've gone without speaking,
or how long it's been since the last bestie night.

You can tell me on holidays
that you love me
thankful for me
and value our friendship
but
I thought you knew that it's easy to say pretty things,
but they mean nothing without your pretty little actions.

This is not my resignation
I won't say good-bye
I won't say I've given up.
However,
it's in your hands, now.
I'll no longer put forst wasted effort
and I won't hold my breath.



Show me that we'll make it to the rocking chairs.